


Bonding over bonds

by Cadetwyrm



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Angst, F/M, Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Future possible mentions of eating disorders, Future possible mentions of underaged sexual assult, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tarsus IV, Xenophobia, i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24243763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadetwyrm/pseuds/Cadetwyrm
Summary: After the death of his mother at a young age, Jim's godfather, Christopher Pike, brings him to Vulcan for a while while he works. He meets Spock, and after a mind meld accidentally bonds them, Spock has to live with the consequences. Jim disappears from Vulcan after that, but Spock can still sense strong emotions from the bond. They grow up to be different than the children they were when they bonded. Will they keep the bond or have it severed?More tags will be added as necessary and rating may change. Title might change as well.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Spock/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	1. Red sands

**Author's Note:**

> I have some tags warning about some things I plan on bringing up in the future so be forewarned if you don't want to read about that stuff. I don't want you to grow attached to this fic only to not be able to continue reading it. Also, as I'm writing this off the cuff it won't follow traditional story arcs. Sorry, just the way I write! I've only seen the '09 movie so unless I watch the other two I won't add any references to them. Hope you enjoy!

Jim was three when he first set eyes on ShiKahr, the Vulcan capital, the building situated under an outcrop of red stone. They hung from the stone roof and jabbed up from the rocky ground, like the gaping maw of some great beast. He moved closer to Christopher Pike, his godfather, fearful for what would be his new home. The older man wrapped a reassuring arm around him.

His mother had died, and that left him with this man to take care of him. He had turned down a position on a star ship and instead took a mission on the desert planet so that Jim would have kids his age around. Vulcan kids, but it was better than staying in a lonely cabin in the middle of space for months on end, and much safer.

But as Jim grew he had a hard time adjusting to the culture. He was a very tactile child, and it took him a while to understand that touch was more serious to his peers than him. He was also prone to emotional outbursts, which for a human child was normal. But Pike found the Vulcan parents around him didn't appreciate how he handled caring for Jim. They even when as far as suggest a Vulcan guardian if he were to stay on planet.

So he set up his first meeting with Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda.

“Humans! There are Humans at the door!” Sybok shouted as he ran down the hall, breaking Spock out of his meditation. While mildly irritated at his brother, he stood and peeked out of his room. The only human he had met had been his sister.

“Sybok, control your emotions.” His father chided as he walked into the entry room, where his mother was greeting their guests.

Michael came from her own room, also roused by the eldest's excited shouting. “Another human?” She asked curiously, meeting Spock's gaze. “I heard of one other child. I think he's about your age.” She motioned for Spock to follow her, and after a moment of hesitation, he did.

In the entry room, his mother and father spoke with the human man. He caught the name Pike but didn't pay much attention to the conversation as he looked down at the boy glued to the man's side. He was perhaps a year or two younger than him, cheeks red with the heat of midday, blonde hair in a traditional bowl cut like his own, but far messier, and his blue eyes wide with uncertainty.

“Spock.” He looked at his mother as she spoke. She was smiling her warm smile as she knelt down to his level. “This is Jim Kirk. Why don't you and your siblings take him and show him the garden?” Jim perked up from behind Pike's leg.

“Go on kid.” The adult human nudged him gently in Spock's direction. The blond looked up, for a moment unsure, before nodding.

Despite Sybok's endless questions, Jim was mostly quiet on the way to the garden. This bored the older vulcan and he left the group before they got outside. Michael left soon after, returning to her studies, perhaps feeling like she was too old to spend her time with the two.

That left Spock to slide open the door for the human. He was privately glad that his siblings left, as he would be the only one to hear the boy's excited gasp at greenery.

“This is amazing!” He ran forward, running his hands over the various plants. His mother had quite the extensive collection, which took up quite a bit of their back yard. As Vulcan children didn't play the way human children did, the lack of a yard didn't bother them much. And Spock was quite pleased with what his mother grew.

“My mother calls this her 'slice of earth.'” He said, following Jim deeper into the greenery. The look of pure, unmasked joy on the human's face tugged at him in a way he had never felt. Micheal never showed emotion so freely, even if she wasn't as good at masking them as vulcans. “She is most proud of her roses. Would you like to see them?”

Jim nodded eagerly, a bright smile on his face. Spock wanted to smile back, but instead he simply led the way to the very back of the garden, where a bush of roses towered over them. The blond moved forward, reaching a hand to gently trace the petals of a blooming flower.

“I thought plants like this couldn't grow on vulcan. I've only seen them in holo-vids.” His voice was soft, full of wonder. Spock swallowed down the feeling of wanting Jim to look at him like he did these roses.

“My mother is quite proficient at the cultivation of earth plants in vulcan soil.” He explained, puffing out his chest a little without realizing it. His mother, in his opinion, was one of the smartest humans he had ever known about. And while he wouldn't admit it, he was proud of his mother. “Vulcan botanists defer to her quite often in this matter.”

Jim reached into the bush to pluck a flower, but with a yelp, pulled his hand back. Spock stepped closer, and without thinking, grabbed his wrist to inspect his hand. There was a small prick on his pointer finger, a droplet of alien crimson blood blooming. He could feel the slight sting of pain, and perhaps embarrassment. “Just a thorn...” Jim assured, and Spock let go of his wrist, flushing lightly at his impulsive actions. He flushed even darker when Jim put his finger in his mouth, sucking it clean. What a vulgar act!

Spock cleared his throat and thoughts and reached to pluck a rose for the human. He knew his mother wouldn't mind. He broke off any exposed thorns on the stem and held it out for Jim, who smiled brightly and took it, fingers brushing in the exchange. He watched the human hold it up to his nose and take a deep breath. 

They sat in front of the bush and talked for a while. Well, Jim talked and Spock listened intently. The human spoke of school, and bullies. Spock could empathize with that. He spoke of vague memories of earth and green lands and blue skies. He didn't speak of his own family, and Spock didn't ask. He then asked about Spock and his siblings. 

“Have you ever mind melded with them?” Jim asked at one point, stroking the velvety petals of the rose under his fingers.

Spock shook his head. “I have not, and they have not melded with me either. In a week I with be betrothed to T'Pring and T'Pau will connect our minds for the first time.” He explained and Jim made a face at this information.

“Gross.” The human muttered. He tilted his head curiously but Jim didn't elaborate. “You should practice!” He decided, scooting closer to Spock excitedly. “They would be so impressed if you already knew what you were doing!”

Spock hesitated. There was a certain logic to it he supposed. And deep down, the thought of impressing his father excited him. “Would you... mind?” He asked, raising his hand towards Jim.

The human shook his head, that bright smile on his face, eyes sparkling eagerly. “Not at all! I've never melded with anyone before.”

He nodded and placed his hand on Jim's face as he had seen his father do, feeling the eagerness though his skin. It was... nice. “My mind to your mind. Your thoughts to my thoughts.” He spoke the words he had heard some time before. Through his fingers he gave a little push with his mind and they were connected.

It was odd at first, two minds sharing the same space. They kept their distance at first, unsure of this new experience. Surprisingly, Jim was the first to approach. His mind was bright like his smile, unshielded like his emotions. It reached for Spock, and he couldn't resist. When they connected their bodies gasped in unison. It was like an explosion, like a galaxy forming between them. They both watched it form, unsure how or if they should they stop it.

After a moment, Spock drew back, not wanting Jim to feel his fear, his uncertainty. The human let him, but he could feel a slight disappointment, even as he drew his hand back. He opened his mouth to speak.

“Spock!” His mother's voice rang through the garden. Spock stood and brushed the red sand off his robes. Jim followed suit. They headed together towards the voice and met her at the door. She smiled as she saw Jim holding one of her roses. “Did you enjoy the garden, dear?”

Jim nodded and smiled. “Thank you, ma'am!” She chuckled softly and led them inside.

“Call me Amanda.”

Back in the entry, Pike put a hand on Jim's shoulder and smiled down at him. Spock didn't like his smile as much as Jim's. “Ready to go, kid?”

Jim looked at Spock, looking reluctant, but turned back to his guardian and nodded. “Thank you.” He told the family politely before they left. And as the door closed, Spock saw Jim smell the rose again.

Spock sat before T'Pau. He was nervous but he didn't let it show. Next to him sat T'Pring. She looked just as poised and decorous as ever. It was the time of bonding. His parents, as well as hers, sat across the room, watching expectantly.

There was a part of Spock's mind, he wasn't sure what it was, but he had the instinct not to show it to anyone. It was his alone. So, as he had been taught he shielded that precious bit of him.

When T'Pau reached and touched his face, he could feel almost nothing from her. She was so collected, so focused. He swallowed without thought, and suddenly he was once again not alone in his mind. Like a doctor, T'Pau's mind poked and prodded his own, grabbing bits of him, and trying to gently to connect it to another. T'Pring's. But nothing seemed to stick. After what was surely longer than normal, T'Pau drew her mind back out.

“It cannot be done.” She announced, and the adults stood all at once. 

T'Pring glanced at Spock, disgust in her eyes. He held himself stiff, breathing slowly to control himself, even as his knuckles went white, clenched on his knees.

There were voices flying around the room, but he paid no attention. All he knew was he had failed. He was broken. Wrong. Too human. The adults seemed to come to that conclusion as well, and they agreed that T'Pring would still be there for his fever if and when that came. And that promise was all they could do. But what kind of mate would he be if he couldn't even bond with his betrothed?

He didn't let any tears come until he was alone in his room that night.

Spock was in the front yard with Sybok, studying some of the native plants that had started to grow there. Well, Spock studied. Sybok leaned against the wall next to the door and watched over him, arms crossed and eyes glazed. Clearly bored.

Spock jumped as he felt fear in his mind. It was not his own fear, but it made him tremble for a moment. He could also feel defiance, pride. But the fear was still the strongest. He had to help this person. He dropped his tricorder and ran down the street towards the emotions he felt as strong as if they were his own.

“Spock!” Sybok shouted behind him, but he didn't slow his pace.

He was panting by the time he had found them. Four vulcans. No, three Vulcans and a Human. He could see that familiar shock of blond hair and large blue eyes from where he stood at a distance.

He could hear them as well. “Look at his round ears. How disgusting.” “He's so red. Iron based blood is simply illogical.” “Blond hair? Humans are fascinatingly aesthetically unpleasant to look at.” From their height of them they were a few years older than both Spock and Jim.

He walked silently closer. He could see Jim shaking, fists clenched at his side. Finally, Spock spoke up. “It is illogical to try and get a physical response from humans. Vulcans are three times as strong. He would stand no chance against one, let alone three of you.” He met eyes with the human's and felt the fear in his mind ebb. 

The three older children turned to him. “Spock. It would only be logical for a half breed like you to defend a human.” One of them said.

“Look at his eyes. He has human eyes.”

“The son of a traitor.”

“They must both have a whore of a human mother in commo-”

Before Spock could step forward, Jim had tackled the Vulcan from behind. They rolled in the dust for a moment, sharing blows, but the human was quickly over powered, pinned in the dirt. A loud crack of cartilage rang in the air and Spock was sprinting at him. He could feel the pain sharp in his mind, and had to stop it now.

He got a fist to the chin, his lip cracking open at the hit, but his own pain was better than Jim's. He pinned the older boy, yelling as he landed punch after punch, body shaking with anger.

Sybok had to pull him off.

It was as he and Jim were sitting together waiting for their guardians to get them that Spock realised why he couldn't bond with T'Pring, why he had felt Jim's fear and pain and now his shame and defiance.

He had bonded with Jim. That small part of him that he had protected from T'Pau's prodding mind. It was the human. He felt shame rush over him, at causing a bond with someone who hadn't consented. He felt a hand on his knee and looked up to the human, who was smiling brightly, despite the blood caked around his nose.

“Don't worry! Just tell your dad I started it and I'm sure he won't be too mad.” He was trying to reassure him. Spock let his lips twitch in a bit of a smile.

“James T Kirk.” The voice rang through the room. They looked up and saw Pike walking towards them. Jim's smile fell and he straightened, looking defiant. Sarek was standing at the doorway, hands behind his back as he watched the scene.

“They started it!” He said. Pike shook his head and put a hand on his shoulder.

“That is no excuse to start a brawl.” He glanced at Spock, then back at Sarek before back to Jim. “Look, we'll discuss it at home.”

As he was lead from the room, Jim looked back at Spock and gave him a reassuring thumbs up.

Spock did not see Jim for a long time after that.


	2. Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda love my Sybok. I haven's seen his movie in a loooooong time so he's probably very out of character. Sorry the chapter is kinda short btw, I just need Spock growing up and the effects of the bond on him out of the way. Thought the Tarsus IV part would go longer. oh well. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer, enjoy!

Spock woke from his sleep, clutching his stomach as he felt the painful burn of hunger. His eyes pricked with tears at the feeling of cramps washed over him. He tried to push reassurance through the pain, the worry, the panic. The emotions eased and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

He hadn't spoken of his bond to anyone. His shame was too deep, the thought of disappointment of his family too distressing. But he couldn't keep going like this. He couldn't let Jim keep going like this. No being in the universe deserved this pain.

He had asked of his father what had happened to Jim. The answer was that he had just returned to earth. Spock didn't press, not wanting his father to question his motives. But he had to know what was causing this suffering. He had to stop it.

He pulled on a robe and quietly walked to Sybok's room. The unruly older Vulcan would understand his plight. Kneeling beside his sleeping brother, he gently shook him though the blanket. “Sybok.” He whispered urgently.

“Huh...?” came the sleepy reply. “What is it Spock?” He sat up on his elbows, concern growing as he became more alert. It wasn't like his siblings to wake him in the night.

“I require your help in finding out what is happening to Jim Kirk.” He explained and stood, backing away so his brother could do the same.

“Jim? What, that human boy?” Sybok pulled on his robes and rubbed his eyes. “Why are you so worried about him suddenly?”

Spock hesitated, but when a shot of pain and humiliation that wasn't his own shook through him he decided that he had to let someone know. “It is imperative that you do not speak of this with anyone.”

Sybok gave him a confused and worried look. “Very well...” He said hesitantly before straitening. “Won't tell a soul. As humans say, cross my heart.” he made a cross motion over his side where his heart was.

Spock sighed at his illogical brother. “I... bonded with him. While we were in the garden the day we met him.” His brother grabbed his shoulders, face full of shock.

“You- Thats why- T'Pring!” He shook his brother with a huge smile. “That's amazing Spock! You can bond!”

The younger vulcan shrugged off the hands. “Indeed. But that is not important at the moment. Jim is in excruciating pain. It is as if he is starving.”

Sybok's smile fell. “No wonder you haven't been eating lately.” How could he when his ma- his friend was starving. “Okay, we'll figure this out, and we'll help him however we can.”

They moved to Sybok's desk, turning on his computer. The older Vulcan was as good as anyone on the planet at getting the information he needed.

“He was sent to an all boys school on the earth colony Tarsus IV” Sybok said as he skimmed over the file. “That was months ago though. No one has had any contact with him in a while.” He turned to meet Spock's eyes and they both had the same conclusion.

Something had gone wrong. Very wrong.

“Pull up contact information for Christopher Pike.” Spock said, and after some typing the information blinked onto the screen. He took the seat as Sybok moved out of it, letting the younger brother type out a message to the officer. He took some precautions to make sure the message was anonymous, and it boiled down to 'You should check on James Kirk. He may be in serious trouble.'

He sent it and with a sigh he leaned back in the chair. Sybok put a hand on his shoulder squeezed reassuringly. “He'll be alright.”

The next morning the story broke of a famine on Tarsus IV and Spock felt true relief from his bond for the first time in weeks. Jim was safe. He could finally eat a full meal for the first time since the hunger pains had started. He hoped Jim had the same luxury soon.

Over the years Spock felt many emotions from his bond. Lust happened quite often as Jim's age of human puberty came and went. He usually ignored it, but occasionally he would let himself imagine it was for him. In the secret of the night he would experiment with his own growing body, thinking about how Jim must look now.

Pain was a common one as well. He could tell Jim had grown quite reckless. If they ever met again he would have to convince him to slow down and take care of himself.

Fear and shame came at what was night in North America on earth. Nightmares. Spock did his best to sooth him through these times.

As they grew into adults, however, he felt Jim blocking him. Weather it was on purpose or not, it hurt Spock to not be able to help his bonded in times of trouble. It was only once Jim was of legal drinking age on earth he got glimpses of emotion through a drunken haze. And it happened far too often for his liking.

He could tell Jim got into bar fights quite often, the pain usually just after sparks of lust. The thought of Jim being a flirt made him want to growl.

Then, after one particular bar fight, followed by defiance and challenge, it all stopped. The drunken nights, the glimpses of emotion, were once again gone from him. 

After the first shut off, Sybok asked him why he didn't get the bond cut. Spock never answered, but knew it was hope. The second time it happened, Sybok had run away from home, and he was in Starfleet, left to decide what to do on his own. He shielded his side, and illogically hoped the bond would die if unused. He could get a healer to cut it, but to bring the subject up to his father to arrange that now, after he had turned down the Vulcan Science Academy, would bring even more shame.

He moved on, became a professor, started an intimate relationship with Nyota. And no one but his missing brother new of that little string in the back of his mind.

He was walking across the campus with Nyota, two fingers curled with hers and speaking of the next time they would go on a date, when he met a pair of striking blue eyes across the grass.

He hadn't seen Jim since the school ID from Tarsus IV. He was... very aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. He always had been, but it was like he had bloomed into a very handsome adult. He was shocked.

Jim clearly was as well, as the older man beside him had to shake him out of his stupor. He could see that bright smile from this distance, it wasn't aimed at him but the brunette next to him. It took a bit of control not to growl and walk over to pull them apart. More control than he would ever admit.

“Spock?” Nyota's voice broke him out of his own mind.

“Apologies... I thought I... recognized someone.” Spock said, looking down at her to give her a reassuring look. When he looked back up the blond was gone.

The next time he saw the human was when he beat the Kobayashi Maru. Cheated the Kobayashi Maru. And it was in that moment that he decided, once he got Kirk kicked out of Starfleet, he would contact his father, tell him of the bond, and get it severed.

Nero, however, had other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spock is maaaaaad at his bond mate hehe. The story of the '09 movie will probably stay the same but if I feel anything drastic has changed I'll mention when its important. Thanks for the read!


	3. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The program I'm writing this in crashed on me while I was finishing this chapter up. I hope it's as good as I tried to make it, and I hope you all enjoy!

Spock was searching for his father in the hanger bay after the Nero incident. He was determined to cut this bond and help rebuild his people. The thought brought a lump to his throat, the memory fresh in his mind. If he had just held her a little closer...

He saw a familiar robed figure, graying hair, and called out. But the Vulcan who turned to him was not who he had first thought. It was as if he had looked into a mirror that aged him.

“I am not our father.” He spoke, voice shaky with age but still controlled enough only a vulcan could detect it. He stepped towards the elderly man, letting confusion show on his face. “There are so few vulcans left, we cannot afford to ignore each other.”

“Then why did you send Kirk aboard when you alone could have explained the truth?” He asked. He felt the very human urge to shake this man for the illogical nature of the situation.

“Because you needed each other.” Spock drew in a sharp breath, and his counterpart continued. “I could not deprive you of the revelation of all you could accomplish together. Of a relationship, that will define you both. In ways you cannot yet realize.”

Spock eased his heart beat, shaking his head minutely. “How did you convince him to keep your secret?”

“He inferred that universe breaking paradoxes would ensue should he break his promise.”

“You lied.”

“Oh.... I... I implied.”

“A gamble.” Spock could barely believe this man. This... himself.

“An act of faith that I hope you will repeat in the future with Starfleet.”

“In the face of extinction it is only logical that I resign from Starfleet and help our people rebuild our race.” He argued. Surely he would see the logic of it.

“And yet you can be in two places at once.” The man, who instead of the calm, amused look he had before, grew more serious. “I urge you to stay in Starfleet. I have already located a suitable planet on which to establish a Vulcan colony.” He stepped forward, as if doing so would drive his point in deeper. “Spock, do yourself a favor. Put aside logic. Do what feels right.”

They stood in silence for a beat, Spock tilting his head in thought. Then, his older self turned to walk away. “Are you bonded with him in your...” Universe? Time?

The man stopped, and a knowing smile came to his face. “When we met on Delta Vega, I sensed the bond between the two of you.” He turned back, ignoring the question. “This Jim has had a hard life, harder than my own. He, without thought, put up mental barriers in an attempt to protect himself from further harm. You will find I have lowered his shields.” His eyes sparkled in a strikingly human way. “You should lower yours as well.”

Spock opened his mouth several times without speaking and his counterpart continued. “Since my customary farewell would appear oddly self serving, I shall simply say” He raised his hand in a Ta'al, “Good Luck.”

Spock returned the salute and watched his older self leave before lowering it. He raised an eyebrow to himself, and wondered how much luck he was going to need.

It isn't until Spock is in his new first officer's quarters on the Enterprise that he lowers his shields. He is immediately bombarded with emotions he hadn't let himself hope to feel in years. He nearly fell off his meditation pillow as waves of Jim Kirk's mind wash over him. Pride. Determination. Affection. Below those are hints of fear, uncertainty, and a tangle of knots that Spock does not touch. He stayed firmly on his side of the bond.

The bond his captain did not know about. He felt shame in himself. For having a bond with someone that did not know of it. He had to let him know. He had to let him decide if he wanted this severed. If there were any healers left able to do so.

He would find a time soon.

The first time he tried, in an empty mess after Beta shift, they were called to the bridge as the ship entered an asteroid belt the sensors hadn't detected.

Before he can try again they are sent to M-113 to deliver medical supplies. What humans would call a 'murder mystery' unfolded and they stoped a salt absorbing alien from killing any more people. He can feel Jim's devastation at the loss of some of his crew, and notices him spending more time in Sickbay to comfort his friend, Dr McCoy, over the loss of a friend. He sends reassurance through the bond, hoping that Jim believes the effects are simply from spending time with a friend.

It's during the third attempt that Spock discovers that Jim enjoys three dimensional chess. The vulcan finds his captain in one of the rec rooms, playing himself on the board and invites his first officer to join him. They don't talk about their past, in fact they don't talk about much as they play. Spock intended to bring up the bond, but as more crew files in, he decides against it. He just enjoys the few games they play. Jim is quite illogical, and loses most rounds, but he can feel the blond enjoying himself. Its a warm feeling.

Spock forgets the whole thing for a while, uses his time to settle in with the crew. He allows Nyota to convince him to play his Vulcan Lyrette in the rec room for the crew while she sings songs from far off planets. She never sings Vulcan songs. Spock appreciates that. He discusses formulas with Scotty and Chekov, learns fencing from Sulu, and debates the subject of humanity with Doctor McCoy(though the illogical man would call it arguing.) And whenever Jim spots him interacting with the crew, he feels a spark of affection from the other side of their bond.

The most relaxing time, however, is when he sits across from the captain, a chess board and companionable silence between them in one of the rec rooms.

You know, its funny...” Jim began as he moved a knight. “I stopped having nightmares when I became Captain.”

Spock raised a brow and moved a rook down a level “I was unaware you were having nightmares.” That was a lie. He would lay awake and sooth the feelings away before allowing himself to sleep.

The captain shrugged, not elaborating about what or why he had nightmares. “Bones says its the ambient noises of the ship. Says they're the only good thing about being in space. Check mate.” He grinned across at Spock as his king was indeed cornered, and he could feel the happiness radiate from him.

Spock twitched his lips in what he knew the human would read as a smile and began resetting the board. “Another game, Captain?”

It was when the captain nearly died on a diplomatic mission that he knew he had no choice but to tell him. 

A Klingon spy attempting to get the planet on their side, poisoned the captain and blamed it on the planet's diplomats in an attempt to start a war between them and the Federation, which would easily wipe them out, all the easier for the Klingon Empire to take over. A foolish plan that was foiled quickly, but left Jim in a coma for nearly two days as the antidote worked though his system.

He sat on his bed, fingers steepled as he thought over what he was going to say once he went to sickbay to confront him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked back as Nyota, who pressed close in an attempt to comfort.

“He should be awake soon.” She said softly. He wasn't sure if it was simply a statement of fact or meant to reassure him, but either way he was glad for the company.

Through the bond he could just barely sense the man. He was still asleep, mind not close to forming coherent thoughts or emotions. It was calm. He debated on telling Nyota about the bond, she deserved to know, when he started to feel confusion well up from Jim. He was starting to awaken.

Spock put a hand over Nyota's, feeling her concern. It wasn't just for him, she also shared it for the captain. “I will return.” He said and stood. He felt her watching as she was left alone in his quarters.

When he entered Sickbay, Doctor McCoy looked up from the readings on Jim's biobed and raised a brow, as if wondering how Spock knew to come so quick. “He's just waking up.” He looked and sounded tired.

Spock nodded and approached the bed, standing next to Jim as he watched his body gain consciousness, feeling his mind also coming to. “Bones?” He muttered first looking to his friend. Glazed blue eyes then moved to the vulcan. “Spock? Wha happen?” 

The blond began to sit up but McCoy pushed him back down. “Calm down kid, you're still waking up.” The doctor ordered.

“Captain,” Spock began as the man blinked a few times and tried to clear his foggy head. “While having a meal with the Lazori people, you were poisoned by a Klingon spy. Their plan was ultimately found out, diplomacy restored and...” He felt his voice soften without his permission. “your life, saved.”

“Yeah, thanks to me!” McCoy said with a grin and Spock met his eyes.

“Any Doctor can administer an antidote.” He stated plainly, secretly enjoying the rise he got from the doctor.

McCoy opened his mouth to reply but Jim quickly sat up and held his hands up to stop it before it began. “Hey hey, as much as I like when you fight over me, but... whoa...” He wavered and flopped back on the bed.

“Jim!” The doctor did a quick scan of him and grumbled under his breath. “You're still pretty weak. You'll have to stay the night and then spend tomorrow in your quarters.”

The blond groaned and crossed his arms, before looking to Spock for help.

“While I am hesitant to trust Dr McCoy-”

“Why you pointy eared-”

“-It does seem logical to rest.”

The room was quiet for a moment aside from the sound of the biobed keeping track of its occupant's vitals.

“Captain.” The Vulcan spoke up, “If I may have a word with you...” He glanced at McCoy. “Privately.”

McCoy scoffed and Jim grinned. “Sure thing Spock. Shoo Bones.” He made waving motions at the doctor who rolled his eyes and stomped away to his office. “What's up?”

Spock felt himself hesitate. This had to be done, he had the right to know. “Jim...” He started, causing that bright smile to waver. He reserved that name for very personal moments, which were far and few between. “Remember when we met?”

Jim nodded slowly, pushing himself up onto his elbows. “Yeah... we talked in your...” he paused, his eyes showing regret, and their bond pulsing with it. “mother's garden.”

Spock took a calming breath in. The thought of his mother still made his heart seize. “Indeed. And do remember our mind meld?”

The grin returned, though softer and unsure. “Yeah. It was pretty cool.”

The vulcan shifted, steeling himself for what would come after. “That meld created a bond, a link between our minds. It is small, but has remained all these years.”

He watched Jim gape at him for a while before speaking. “You can read my thoughts?” He suddenly flushed a bright red, reminiscent of the shade he would become under the vulcan sun.

“No.” Spock answered. “Only surface emotions, the same as when I have physical contact with someone. I could only read your thoughts if I pushed through the bond. I have never done this as you were never aware of the bond and it would be a reprehensible breech of privacy”

Jim sat up slowly, nodded as he took the information in. “That's why I sometimes felt emotions that weren't mine.” He muttered, propping his head on his hand, looking to Spock. “Why didn't you tell me on Vulcan?”

“It took me some time to realize what happened. And I was ashamed.” He bowed his head slightly. “By the time I had realized what had happened you had left. And then...”

Jim tensed and pain, fear, shame and anger all bubbled over into Spock's mind. He felt the urge to comfort him, but held back as he still hadn't agreed to this bond, this sharing of emotions. “I don't want to talk about that.” His voice was cold, commanding. Spock wanted to press, but knew there would be another time and place to discuss that topic.

“What do you wish to do about the bond?” The steer in conversation caused Jim to relax and the emotions began to recede. 

“What can we do about it?”

“We can have it severed.”

“Does that... hurt?”

Spock tilted his head in thought. “I have never had a bond severed, and those who have had it done do not speak of such private matters.”

“Okay...” Jim hummed as he thought on the situation. “We could keep it right? I mean it would be pretty handy for a Captain and his first officer to literally be able to read each other's mind.”

“Indeed... however...”

“However?”

Spock sighed through his nose. “Such bonds are typically meant for... bondmates.”

“Bondmates?” Jim repeated, and recognition quickly came over him. The flush that had receded was now back. “You mean...”

“Affirmative.”

The room was draped in silence for a few minutes as the captain seemed to process the situation. Then his face lit up and he jutted a pointer finger in the air in realization.

“You said 'typically!'” He announced, and landed one fist on his other palm. “That means we just have to be not typical!” He beamed at Spock.

And in the end, Spock couldn't bring himself to argue.


	4. Vulcan Quarters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter but it says what it needs to say. My plans for the next chapter are kinda wild so hang in there with me! Hope you enjoy!

When Spock returned to his quarters Nyota was still there, gently sleeping above the covers. He couldn't help but feel a fondness for her. She was a truly good friend. 

He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her for a moment. She stirred, as if sensing the other body so close. Once her eyes opened she sat up. “How is he?” Her voice was soft with sleep.

“He is... well. Improving.” Spock assured and she gave a relieved sigh. “Nyota.”

He could see the concern on her face at his tone. She could read him well after all this time. She shuffled closer, swinging her legs off the bed to be next to him. “What is it?”

“I have not told you of my past with the captain.” Her concern turned to confusion but she let him continue. “For a short time, he lived on vulcan while we were both young. In the short time I knew him there I considered him my friend. We shared... a mind meld.”

“Oh...” Her small word spoke volumes. He had never melded with her, and she must had felt some form of jealousy at that.

“It created a bond between us.” Her eyes widened at this. She was probably the second most knowledgeable person about vulcan culture on that ship.

“Does he know about it?”

Spock nodded. “It is what I just discussed with him.”

“...and?”

He sighed. “We have mutually decided to keep the bond, as the captain pointed out the logical use of having a direct link between us.” He admitted.

She shifted, putting her hands on his cheeks and looking over his face with a sad smile. He could feel that sadness, but also affection that was so familiar to him from her. “Oh Spock...” She tried to keep her smile even as her eyes became glossy. “I think.... we should just be friends.”

“Nyota?” Spock had not been anticipating that. “Is there something about my past and relationship with the captain which disturbs you?”

She softly shook her head and stood, still holding onto his face. “Its more than that, Spock.” She pressed her forehead to his. “Being on this ship, with him. It's changed you. Changed us. And so I think we should go back to just friends.”

Spock wanted to argue, he enjoyed her company, her affections, but he also knew that it wouldn't change should they go back to being friends, that simply the physical aspect of their relationship would end. “Very well.” He agreed.

She kissed his forehead softly and it comforted him. “Good night, Spock.” She pulled away, and after wiping a stray tear she turn to leave.

“Good night.” With a soft swish of the door he was left alone.

“Captain, focus.”

“Call me Jim. We're in your quarters. Off shift.”

Spock sighed. For the past week he had been trying to teach Jim how to purposely block out thoughts and memories. He hadn't spoken about his meeting with his future self, or the fact that Jim had shielded himself before. He felt that would be unwise. They would meet in his quarters, as meditation and his incense would help, and Jim suggested they relax before hand with a game or two of chess.

So it became routine. They would usually get off shift together, walk to Spock's quarters, then they would sit across from each other, play a few rounds, then settle on the vulcan's meditation mats once again across from each other. The ship's cabins weren't impossibly spacious, so the corner Spock had set aside for meditation was small enough that even sitting lotus their knees brushed against each others.

“Is it really important that we sit criss-cross apple sauce? My legs are cramping.” Jim groaned as he shifted and Spock lifted an eyebrow at him. The human motioned to his crossed legs to elaborate.

“As long as you are comfortable enough to clear your mind, it is not important how you position yourself.” He watched his captain let out a breath and readjust, pulling his knees to his chest and willing his toes. They had taken off their boots after their game.

“I'd straighten my legs out but I know Vulcans aren't big on sharing personal space.” He said as he propped his chin on his knees. He looked... young like that. It reminded Spock of his childhood, of days spent helping his mother in her garden, of that rose bush he and Jim had sat under. Those blue eyes, that bright smile. “You look like you wanna kiss me Spock.”

That broke the vulcan from his thoughts. He tampered down the thoughts and feelings that came with them. “I desire no such action Captain.” He said as he began to stand. Jim all but scrambled to his feet to follow him. “We may stop for today.” It would be impossible for him to concentrate enough to lead Jim though meditation at that time.

“Oh... okay.” He felt a little bit of disappointment from him. He had felt it the last two times that they had ended their meditation sessions, but thought nothing of it. Jim was a human, and they enjoyed spending time with those close to them. He had felt affection towards him through their bond many times. He was a friend. That was all. Then a ball of muddled emotions came over, and before Spock could decipher them Jim said, “Can I show you something? It's... in my quarters.”

He tilted his head, and nodded. Jim led him through their connected bathroom. His quarters looked almost identical to the first officer's, aside from the lack of vulcan artifacts and meditation space. It was quite barren in fact, a stark contrast to the man that lodged there.

The captain then went to a panel that hid a small compartment for storage. After some shuffling some things around he produced a small, glass jar full of-

“Rose petals...” The words came out as barely a breath.

Jim gave a soft smile, looking fondly down at the jar in his hands. His affection was bright, but tinged with embarrassment. “Yeah... I dried the petals after Pike suggested it. Been able to keep it on me all these years.” He chuckled softly, rolling the jar in his hands. “When I was young I always thought liking flowers was kind of girly.”

Spock sent a hint of reassurance through their bond. He had promised Jim that he would not read his mind until he had mastered shielding it so Spock could only see what he was allowed. But that didn't mean he couldn't send emotions over. “There is no gender associated with the appreciation of Magnoliophyta. Mr. Sulu is quite fond of them as well and often volunteers in the botany labs.”

Jim smiled at him, and another wave of affection came through. He held out the jar to Spock. “You should have it. It was your mother's rose.” He said.

He hesitated, then reached out to take the jar. Their fingers brushed and Spock swallowed without thinking. “The gesture is appreciated. However, as I gave you the rose, it belongs to you. Jim.” He held the jar outstretched back to the man.

He laughed, light and soft and pushed the jar away. “Then keep it safe for me.” The vulcan nodded and held it close to himself.

“Very well. Thank you.” 

“Well, I think its time for bed.” Jim accentuated this with a yawn and stretching his arms over his head. His shirt rode up and there was a millisecond where Spock glanced at the tan midriff it revealed. “Good night Mr Spock.”

“Good night, Jim.” He walked back through their bathroom and once in his quarters, calculated the safest place to keep the jar. In the end it seemed most logical to keep it on his bed side table. He then undressed and settled in bed, waiting to make sure Jim was free of nightmares before falling asleep himself.

The next morning, he left Jim's forgotten boots next to his bathroom door, and maybe spent more time then necessary looking over the calm sleeping frame of his captain.


End file.
